Emotional Needs

This is an update on what I have discovered on emotional needs.  I discovered that there are 6 emotions that need to be filled.  1-peace, 2-joy or happiness, 3-empathy, 4- connection with family, 5-uplifted/identity, and 6-is friends/playful.

Now I know that everyone gets these emotions filled/drained in different ways.  For me I think even realizing what emotions I have was huge!:) I decided I am short on being playful and identity.  I don't laugh enough, I'm too scared to be my true self around my friends because I am afraid of rejection.  So now I am on a mission to make my life more enjoyable when I am around my friends, I am going to try to be my crazy self, and I guess if people reject me it is their problem and not mine.  One specific example of my fear of being playful is in Visiting Teaching.  I am friends with a sister that I visit and I am friends with my partner, but I feel myself purposefully sabotaging my relationships with both people so that it won't be awkward when I go visiting teaching, so that neither person will feel like a third wheel.  So this month when I go visit that sister I am going to bring a game and a treat and we are going to have some fun!!:)  And my vision board goal is to laugh everyday!!:)

Building a Great Place to work!!:)

So my DH's work is AWESOME!!!:)  They are so family oriented and they love building friendships among their employers. They take their employees and a guest to nice dinners once a year (We've eaten at Christopher's, several different hotel restaurants, Market Street Grill...) and they give out nice prizes too!!:)  Then they take the family out somewhere in the summer (parks, boondocks, zoo...)  However, they decided not to do that this year in lieu of their 40th year in business celebration.  They are taking all of their employees and a guest on an overnight trip.  They pay for the food, the bus ride there, the hotel and lots of activities. (If you want to know more about what we did, check out my personal blog!!:)  So why would they do this?  Simply to build friendships at work, to make their employees happy so that they will enjoy going to work and feel a sense of community.  Pretty awesome if you ask me!!!:)

Companies that are like this stay in business, because their employees like coming to work they work harder!!:)  They are invested in the company and want to do a good job.  They don't want to lose money for the company.  I have never felt like the company has been out to get my DH, although they have done some strange things with him and some people like to push DH to his limits I am always able to remind him that they honestly have good intentions.  They see his potential and want him to become it!!!:) How lucky I feel to have stumbled upon this company!!:)

Taking on other's pain

So yesterday my SIL found out that her grandma was going to be taken off all machines that were keeping her alive and pass on into the next world.  All of it was quite sudden.  Her grandma fell on Wednesday and had a cardiac arrest.  The paramedics brought her back and took her to the hospital where she was given a blessing.  Then they decided to cool her to 30 degrees Celsius for 24 hours, then warm her back up and see what damage was done.  They warmed her up by Friday, but the tests weren't showing any brain activity...so her 9 children and husband had a meeting where they decided to let her go.

Now what does this have to do with me?  Well I saw my SIL yesterday at a family reunion, she actually found out at the reunion since the meeting was at the beginning of the reunion.  I could tell she was hurting, I could tell she was trying really hard to have a good time and not think about it.  I gave her a hug and this might not make much sense, but it's almost like she gave me or maybe the better phrase is shared with me some of her emotions and I didn't even realize it.  Btw, I think hugs are pretty powerful and can leave one drained or energized.  So after the hug, I felt so grumpy.  I left the reunion with my 3 kids feeling more angry with them, etc.  I felt like I didn't have a good time at the reunion b/c my DH was sick and couldn't come.  Then I started thinking about all the fun I did have at the reunion (because I really did have a good time) and I thought why do I feel so yucky - dumb hormones.  And then I remembered the hug.  And I remembered what my emotional healer told me about not taking on other people's problems, but putting them on the table and letting them go.  I called my DH because that is one way that I let other people's problems go is I tell him about them, and that mostly helped!!:)  I felt so proud of myself for being able to recognize that I had taken on her emotions.  But I felt frustrated that I did too, because me feeling bad isn't going to stop her from feeling sad and grieving, in fact it isn't going to help her at all, it is only going to make me feel bad.  

I texted my emotional healer and one thing she said was to realize that it isn't my pain to feel, it is my SIL's and the Savior's.   Man I need to get better at empathizing, but not owning other people's problems!:)  The Savior has already suffered for all of our pains.  I love Alma 7:11-12 because it explains that role of the Savior's so well.  "And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities."  I can't ease their pain, only He can.  Instead of trying to take over Christ's role, I need to lead my family and friends to Him and show them that He really is there to ease their burdens and suffer what they suffer.  I can fulfill my role by "mourning with those that mourn" and "comforting those in need of comfort," allowing my light and love and Christ's light and love to strengthen them, but I do NOT need to take their pain.  Instead, I need to stand as an example of Christ and as His disciple "and let my light so shine so that when others see my good works they will glorify our Father in Heaven.

Natural Family Planning

When I was pregnant with dd #2 I found out that my grandma had never used birth control...she simply put her trust in Heavenly Father and she got 10 wonderful kids (5 miscarriages and says she would have had more if she could've:)!!  I thought wow, that is so cool, I want to be like that, so I talked to my DH about it and we decided that we would try it!!!:)  I also knew that baby #3 was supposed to join our family soon, so we used no birth control and dd #3 made her appearance almost 13 months after dd#2 (and boy is that little girl in a hurry to get things done!!:).  However, after that I lost my braveness and decided that it takes 3 to create a baby a man, a woman, and God.  I decided that using birth control (which really means condoms) was my way of telling Heavenly Father that I wasn't ready (and I know that no form of birth control is 100% effective, my aunt was told to never get pregnant again because of health risks to her and the baby and she was on 3 forms of birth control and still got pregnant...).  Then recently I was introduced to Natural Family Planning.  I read both of these posts and learned a lot!!:)

http://www.myfemininemind.com/2012/07/things-your-doctor-may-not-have-told_25.html

http://treeoflifemothering.ning.com/profiles/blogs/yay-for-may-and-my-favorite-april-moments

 

The latter recommends reading the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler (www.tcoyf.com) and so I checked it out from the library and I have learned so much about my body and reproduction!!!:)  I am loving it and I have to agree that this is the most natural and intuitive birth control out there!!:)  There are even some tips for infertility struggles!:)  So even if you just want to learn more about your body, I highly recommend the read!!:)

 

Balancing Time

 I sometimes find myself confused.  How much time do I need for me?  What really fills me and allows me to be my best self for others?  Now I know what fills me spiritually (daily reading/studying the scriptures, daily prayers, temple attendance, following my leaders...) and I know what fills me physically (food, exercise, sleep), however, how do I make sure my emotional needs are being filled? 

So with that, since I don't even know how much time I need, I struggle finding balance with my time.  How much of me do my kids really need?  How much should I serve? How much time should I spend on my relationship with my husband? and the list goes on and on. I know I waste a lot of time on the computer (am I trying to get my emotional needs met?)  There are so many things to do, how do I find the ones that are the best.  I know that it changes with each season of life, but I am really struggling to find out how to balance my time in this season of my life.

Part of the reason I am struggling is because I have been on a self-discovery quest recently.  I have figured out one of my major purposes in life and now I want to spend time working on it, but I still have a young family that needs my attention too.  So how do I balance the two?  Time is such a gift, we must be wise stewards, but it is such a struggle.